What are we teaching our children?

Staying is easier than going. When it comes to following Jesus, we are faced with one essential problem, the common human desire for the status quo, difference of any kind is looked at with suspicion and fear.  Staying where we are is easier than going out into the world. As someone with little Christian background except that I was born in Germany and as someone who came to know Christ later in life, I perhaps have a different perspective on many ''traditional'' thinking of people who have attended church most of their lives.  For me, church provided a counter-narrative to what I witnessed, experienced and essentially participated in. Church helped me to go to a different vantage point and to look at the world from a different perspective.  But like so many formerly oppositional institutions, the congregations I encountered over the years tend to become more a symptom of the culture than an antidote to it, they are not living a different story. And by doing that we are giving the people of the world one less place to turn for a sober alternative to the story of basic human goodness and moral progress that is propagated everywhere.

What are we teaching our children? 

God is love; and as evident on the cross it is self-sacrifice rather than self-preservation. Love, as the Bible defines it, is sacrificial. This, however, threatens our tendency to protect ourselves. We are afraid to give because we are afraid of being taken. Through our experiences we have come to expect that love is first something we get from others in return for something before it is something we give others for nothing. Love has become even within the church conditional and is no longer sacrificial.

Worldliness is seductive, it is a sleepiness of our thinking in which the statues, pleasures, comforts and cares of this world appear solid, stunning, and purpose giving while the truth of God's word abstractions, unable to grip us emotionally nor intellectually or guide our everyday activities. The greatest challenge for a Christian is therefore not persecution but seduction. 

I used to be a missionary in the late 90th in Sierra Leone, a small country with much riches. When I returned home I experienced what is called a culture shock. It is caused when one set of cultural assumptions clashes with another, when what seams normal to people in one cultural setting seems uncomfortably strange, even questionable in another. After a while, however, the shock went away. Over time I gradually and unnoticeable to myself I settled into the old assumptions and mannerism of the culture around me, the shock gave way to submission. When the world's thinking, feeling and living seem normal and God's ways seems strange, we need to hear that we have been seduced because we are blind to that fact. In this sense, disciples of Christ are in a permanent state of shock in relation to the acceptable ways of the world; "tension with the world must never give way to comfort in the world."

What are we teaching our children? 

We need to remember that while Jesus never went after the crowed, never sought fame but he was seeking for disciples. And to get the disciples he wanted, he explained to the crowed of followers that anyone who wanted to truly follow him would need to count the cost, and the crowed thinned out. Daily Christian living, according to Jesus, means daily Christian dying -- dying to our goals, dreams, hopes unless they are not of this world. We need to die to our fascination to fit in and instead becoming "fools for Christ," living with an hopeful attitude.

Hope is a continual looking forward to the eternal world and is neither a form of escapism or pessimism.  Hope is not wishful thinking either, but one of those things that are second nature to a Christian.  A Christian cannot but hope.  It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is, rather the very opposite is true.  Hope affirms and proclaims that however beautiful a sunset might be some more beautiful sunset is still to come but not in this life. In this sense hope is a godly discontent about the present, it is affirming that the glass is half full and more is still to come. As many before me I too refer to C.S. Lewis thoughts on this matter;

"The Christian Way.-The Christian says, ‘Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, then; is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.  If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same.’"

How are we doing with that? Since Scripture affirms that this particular hope is somewhat outside of reach here and now many people have turned to achievable things and by that to earthly things. We only need to look at obituaries over the centuries . . . how we describe the life and identity of a loved one. In the past, God, seeking God and the life through the church were the focus of identity, it than changed to work and became more individualistic focused, and now we read much much more about entertainment and travel and enjoying life. God is hardly mentioned.

What are we teaching our children?

Witness to God's truth, grace and generosity

We are a community founded on truth and formed by truth and sustained by truth. For that reason our Yes need to be a Yes and our No need to be our No. But at the same time creation itself is founded, formed, and sustained by God's generosity and grace. If we began living more truthfully, gracefully, and generously , investing all we are and have in order to make this place a better place to live in for everyone, think about the witness this would be to our neighbours. Every neigbour around us should be able to say about us; ''I might not believe what they believe, but this place would be a much less livable community without them here, because of the way these people invest their time, talents and money to serve us.''  Imagine the impression the Church and Christians alike would give to people if we embodied God-centred truth and generosity in this way. Instead of weary, passive accommodation and acceptance of our shortcomings, there would be an active engagement with the power and the love of Christ to discover and apply the healing correction of truth across the spectrum of our lives, including grace and generosity. 

I think  it is one thing to have a rational understanding of God's truth, grace, and generosity but quite another to have a sense of God all around. How does my neighbour genuinely encounter this sense of God's truth, grace, and generosity all around but through us the church, God's people. We are the presents of truth, grace, and generosity, the instruments God has equipped and blessed for that purpose.  

The Church must own their choice and so must we

Jesus calls each one he meets into a personal, intimate relationship with him and with those who are with him. He is also telling them to count the cost, to make a choice. If we choose one thing, it means refusing the other. If we choose to follow Jesus, we experience the gift of  love and communion, but at the same time we must say "no" to the ways of the world and accept loss which will imply grieving and pain; we must own our choice and have counted the cost.

More and more the people of God become aware that God is not just a creator of everything that is made, a powerful Lord who is telling us to obey or to be punished but rather a community that invites us to experience them. Being Church means being called into community with God and with others who are called and walking the same path. And there we encounter new challenges; we encounter disciples who quarrel among themselves, wondering who is the greatest among them. Community is a wonderful experience, a wonderful place where we experience new life. But it is also an experience with pain because it is there that we encounter truth and experience growth -- it is among us that our pride, fear and our brokenness is revealed. Community is not an abstract idea, an ideal; it is us. Only in community we are able to love people just as we are with our wounds, fears, and our need for space and growth. Community involves giving each other a safe space where we can grow together. It is giving each other trust, encouraging one another while challenging each other. We give value and dignity to one another by the way of dying to oneself  so that the other may live, and grow.

There is a myth about community just as there is a myth about marriage, telling us; "they lived happy ever after." The reality of marriage is that both, the man and the woman are called to sacrifice their egoes as well as their individualistic dreams by the commitment to be one body. Community also means death to ones ego. It is accepting the cost of dying to "me first" and competions in order to discover a new form of values and a new freedom. But that also means that community, just like marriage, is a place of pain because it is a place of loss, a place of conflict, and a place of death to self, just as it is a place of new life. True community is the one place where all the darkness, anger, fear, jealousie and competition is exposed and reconciled. 

But community is also a place of conflict for another reason. In community we experience the conflict between competing values, between togetherness and individualism, between interdependence and independence. It is painful to lose one's independence and to come into togetherness and not just proximity. We have proximity with the world,, and we need to, but we have togetherness with one another. Loss of perceived freedom is painful particulalry in a world where independence is held up as something to die for, which cultivates the feeling "I don't need anyone else" as ultimate freedom. 
 

Sapna Chand is the sole owner and copyright holder of this image

I have had the occasion to visit quite a number of senior homes in Canada. It can be very painful to go into certain care facilities, to see men and women crying out for love, roaming around with nothing to do, shaking their heads, talking to themselves, living in a world of dreams and of psychosis. Some places smell of urine others of disinfectant.  If you had the privilege of getting a glimpse into some of these places, a glimpse into the lives of those who live there, you will have seen unbearable pain. It is difficult to be present there for long and yet there is where I found Christ sitting beside one of the least of my brothers and sisters.

Many people in our modern society are living in unbearable situation, with unbearable pain. I don't know how many homeless people live in Winnipeg, but there are many hundreds if not thousands. Every night during the winter months they line up in order to be admitted for the night at one of the shelters. The next morning, after a cup of coffee, they are back onto the street. Then they roam all day with nothing to do until the evening. The reasons for their situation is as complex as humanity itself, but there is much anger, depression and intense pain inside many. When the pain becomes too much, then people tend to slip away into a world of dreams. Reality is just too painful, without hope. 

Our church communities are also places of pain because they are formed with people who have been through a great deal of pain themselves. They had experienced the deep fear that nobody can really love them, that nobody really wants them, because they were "dirty,"  "evil." "not good enough." Church means family, accepting people just where they are in their journey. We may not necessary like some of their choices, or personality traits, but we love them nonetheless with all their limits and pain, but also with the capacity to see God's image inside of all that pain just as we love ourselves. 

But this communion of unity is not uniformity or fusion. Both lead to confusion. In a relationship you are you and I am I; I have my identity and you have yours. I must be myself and you must be yourself while we are called to grow together into the likeness of Christ more and more. But this is not possessiveness but belonging. A belonging where we listen to one another and helping each other to become more. And it is only in our togetherness that we make sense, but this does not come easy to us. 

When I was in the German army, I was taught to give orders to others. That came quite naturally to me. Since childhood I had been taught to climb the ladder, to seek recognition and therefore promotions, to compete, to be the best, to win prizes. This is what society is teaching us. When you have been taught from early age to compete, to be first and then suddenly you hear Jesus calling you down the success ladder and to share your life with those who are last, who are poor and marginalized, our real struggle breaks out within us while we are counting the cost.  It is a conflict of allowing others space to grow rather than lording over them, here we stand back in order to help them to excersice their gifts. It is a conflict of caring only for oneself and caring for people.

Over the years I have experienced both forces within me, one pulling me to go up the ladder and then the voice of Christ teaching and healing me. He taught me that behind the need to win, to be recognized there are my own fears and anguish. The fear of being devalued and pushed aside, the fear of being vulnerable or opening up my heart to love; their is the pain, betrayal, and brokenness of my own past. And in this voice I discovered who I really had become and to realize that I may not want to admit all the garbage inside me. And then the same as today I have to decide whether I just continue to pretend to be ok and through myself into hyperactivities, involving myself into a myriad of programs and projects where I simply can cover up all the garbage. Proving to the world and others just how good I was. 

Just as God is in communion within himself and is inviting us through the death of Jesus to join into the eternal dance of love we too have to die to the powers of egoism and self-will in ourselves in order to join into that dance of deeper unity.

God critiques by creating

One of the goals of every Christian Leadership is to embody gospel-centered [grace] community, a community of unity around the common message of grace, serving as a model to the rest of the congregation.
When God made us one with Christ, he also made us one with each other, removing the barriers of separation erected by our sinful nature, such as individualism, tribalism, judgmentalism, or personal preferences and biases. The message of the Church, the gospel, is to bring together people around the common table of fellowship who would have remained otherwise separated.
The divisive and fundamentally sinful notions of class, race, economics however haven proven to remain painful sources of fragmentation and alienation within the churches. Things the church should strive against in establishing new expressions of family have even become means of identification and segregation. Following the lead of the surrounding cultures, many churches and worship services target specific groups to the exclusion of others.

Like the pieces of a puzzle look all different yet they belong all together

Have we forgotten that we are an all . . .  community, all language, all nations, all age community, though we are distinct, all different, in Christ we are no longer divided by temporal expressions of identities but are united by the eternal identity we have in Christ. We are the visual sign of the gospel in this world. God wants us to love one another and so to live our lives together in such a way that the demonstrate the presence of the Good News of reconciliation before a world in strife.
When actual reconciliation, peacemaking, and unity overcomes our differences and uniqueness's we display the power of the Good News and we are the powerful witness of love to this fragmented world.
"Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another'' (John 13:13-34). The same message is given to the disciples and to us in John 17. Remember, Jesus created the group of disciples from different social groups, even from among women of ill reputations, like Mary Magdalen and tax collectors, like Matthew. Jesus critiqued not only the world, or Israel but also the religious elite by creating a group of people who would have remained separated in any other way.

God will reverse the damage resulting from the fall in all and every area of life, not only to humanity but to nature itself. Nothing is unaffected by the fall, nothing is outside or beyond God's grace, and the church is the beginning.

The truth is, as much as we need one another to be united in one body so does the world. The world desperately needs to see the love we have for one another within our diversity. The only way to maintain our diversity in unity is by living out our commitment to Him through our commitment to one another.

The right perspective

Often we start out with an experienced based perspective when reading Scripture, viewing anything that is recorded within the pages from what we know and how it make us feel. We are forgetting that even our best and most beautiful experiences, our greatest expression of love are marked simply by the fact that we are living in a broken world and we ourselves know only in part.

And so we need to allow Scripture, God's word, speak to us from a perspective that in some way is out of this world. Communication done well requires interaction, not just listening and interpretation but evaluating the interpretation in light of clarifying questions. Thing is, the “letter kills” but the Spirit makes the letter “come alive” beyond just printed words on a page. Reading God's word as God's word requires a relationship of interaction and so once again we are lead into an interdependent relationship with God; "Without me you can do nothing"even when reading an old book. Again something we all have in common.

Let's not pretend we are sinners

 

I just finished a book by Brennan Manning; Ruthless Trust. A good book, difficult at times, but one sentence almost at the end stood out and somewhat summarized the book on trust for me; "We can only pretend that we are sinners, and thus only pretend that we are forgiven."

"If we say we have no sin in us, we are deceiving ourselves and refusing to admit the truth" 

(1 Jh 1:8).  

We need to cut through our pretense, cowardice, evasion and fear of men, to see the truth about ourselves and the true state of our hearts, minds and souls before God, and so Jesus ask Peter three times do you love me, and therefor do you trust me? Put simply, sin, our daily sins, intentional and unintentional sins must be acknowledged and confessed before there can be true forgiveness and real transformation. While I am falling down again and again and getting up again and again, I must trust that Jesus' answer to Peter's question about how often someone should forgive; No, not seven times but seventy times seven was referring to his own practice. Assuming that we are not mocking God's mercy and grace.

We have to acknowledge our sinfulness while we live in a culture that luxuriates in Dr. Phil and Oprah therapy, condemns judgement as intolerant and authoritarian, dismisses acknowledgement of sin as an assault on human dignity, and resists discernment of spirits as imposing arbitrary standards. These individual as well as societal shortcomings have devastating consequences seen in the advocating of personal responsibilities in all areas of life. While we are avoiding any confrontation with authentic responsibility and therefore guilt we stifle all personal growth. While we continue to blame others and circumstances for our weaknesses and failures, we not only refuse accountability for the present stage of the world but also have lost the ability to change. Even if self-pity thwarts self-acceptance, wearing the scarlet letter V gets us stuck on the moral high road.          

  

Hedonism and the need for conflict

Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that pleasure is the primary or most important intrinsic good. Given this premises the avoidance of any conflict, certainly of open conflict is a natural outcome of that school of thought. 

The message of the Church, the "word of the Cross," as Paul calls it , has always been an offense. The call for repentance, for change brought already John the Baptist into conflict. The Gospel has never been a palatable message, and so we pick and chose what to emphasize and what to understate. I recently heard about an Easter advertisement in a shopping mall; "We make Easter easy." Perhaps they were offering one stop shopping for all that the world associates with Easter. Easter eggs, cake, chocolate bunnies and greeting cards. However, it struck me as an absolute classical example of the human tendency to flee as far away from some of the implication of the Cross of Jesus as possible. The churches and its leadership are not necessarily exceptions, we too want any easy Easter. And so we tend to stress the need to live in peace with everyone, and as far as we are concerned, if at all possible we are not causing conflict. Perhaps we see us as one of the few virtuous, somewhat above the common people of the world. We mean well, but did we actually understand that Jesus did not come for the righteous but to save sinners. In other words, he came to save those who are in conflict with His Father and subsequently with the whole of creation. He came to reconcile, to make peace.    

But what is conflict? Conflict is natural normal and neutral. Conflict is a part of life. Conflict was a part of the New Testament Church and by extension is part of us today. But what is conflict, the absence of peace, tranquility and or of comfort? Is conflict the presence of any effect of negativity in being, thinking or action, ranging from mild discomfort to violent reactions? 
I would suggest that the definition of conflict will vary considerably not only from dictionary to dictionary, but also from person to person, and possibly even between one situation and another. What creates mild discomfort in one person is stimulating in another . . . one feels in conflict whereas the other person simply feels free to express his thoughts. 

As pastor or church leader or member, "what am I to do when I witness conflict?" 

Like it or not, the Bible is all about conflict and God in Christ the great peacemaker. And since God reconciled all things in heaven and on earth through the death of His son on the cross (Col 1:19-20), then we who are children of God are redeemed to be reconcilers. 
But peace making is not simply corrective but constructive. One of the main roles of the leadership is to build Christ's people to be peacemakers and His Church to be a culture of peace. 

I think we all know, we all are called to be peacemakers, but I must confess that I hate conflicts. Particular witnessing conflict makes me cringe. The one thing I must confess, I do not naturally move to make peace, to be part of the process of peacemaking.  It is one thing to preach about the cross, the cost of making peace between God and man. It is quite different thing to put oneself between two fractions.
But faintheartedness is just a symptom of a subtle but much larger problem; disobedience. That should not come as a shock to us. Disobedience is not something out there, but is “in here.” Disobedience is not simply a matter of the head, we all tend to avoid difficulties and justify it to ourselves; disobedience is a matter of the heart. Our disobedience needs to be closely linked with our fear. Fear keeps us from trusting, believing, hearing, seeing, and consequently from obeying and imitating the peacemaking Jesus. The problem with fear is that it is more covert and subtle than other forms of heresies and it has slithered its way into our lives and ministries.   
Maybe fear, and here fear of men, is perhaps the result of unbelief. A rather practical unbelief that Jesus was truly and fully human. Of course we confess with our mouth that Jesus really fully humanly moved among us and yet we live and minister as if Jesus could not relate to our uneasiness and fear for conflict. But Jesus for perhaps most of his life experienced the pang of threats and gossip. He witnessed and addressed the petty bickering among his closest disciples jockeying for power, privilege, and recognition. And when conflict occurs, we act as if Jesus cannot relate, perhaps teach us not to fear conflict, not to fear man, and not to fear peacemaking.
Consequently many leaders, pastors included, take light, hiding behind job description and primary duties. Less be honest, we all gravitate to what we like best, we are good at, we are being recognized for, what is easiest for us.
And here is the rub, peacemaking is never easy, conflict is not something we like. So we avoid being pulled into other people’s conflict. Instead of facing the grimy reality of covert or open conflict between children of God, we leave it to time or others, self-preservation.
The ministry of reconciliation
Conflict can occur between two or more people who disagree on an issue that threatens their respective goals, values or needs in pleasure for life.
Unfortunately in addition to our personal motivation to avoid conflict, we in the church have come to believe that conflict in and by itself is sinful, and therefor has to be avoided. We have reversed out calling, from peace makers something which acknowledges the presents of conflict to peace keepers something which denies reality. We have learned to view conflicts as intrusions into ministry, and obstacles to the gospel. Conflict avoidance, the absence of conflict is even seen as a virtue because it is the result of dying to oneself, viewing the other more important.  But I suggest that disengaging from the discussion, the avoidance of differences of opinions and thoughts, values and goals is a form of covert conflict itself and in fact avoids peacemaking.
Conflicts, seen in light of the sovereignty of God ought to shape our responses to see them as learning opportunities in which we see our poverty and the riches of His wisdom, power, justice, and mercy (James 1:2-5).    
We need to face the grimy residue of painful and unresolved conflict in the hearts and minds of us, the body. As pastors, we need to come alongside and bear each other’s burdens while holding out healing by repentance and forgiveness in Christ, we need to be Christ to each other. Looking at the life of Jesus we do not see an eloquent orator in a lecture hall but a friend sharing a meal, intimately part of the life of his people.
We too cannot flee from reality; we too cannot fear involvement. We too cannot avoid conflict, we may even be at times the very centre of it. As pastors and church leaders, then, we too need to be intimately a part of the lives of our people. For we cannot preach and counsel in eloquent words; we need to preach and counsel the living Word.  
When our words and lives are disconnected from reality, from the hardships of life, from the conflicts of heart, mind and soul affecting all of life we have become mere listeners to the word but not doers, sellers of knowledge, not pastors. We take part in teaching, preaching and mission without the mission of reconciliation.
When conflict occurs and it will, we need to remember that Christ lived among us some thirty years not only to suffer death for a pain-stricken, conflict-ridden, and violent-prone world but also to share in its suffering.   
God’s sovereignty and Christ example
Conflict will happen, inter-personal tension will come up, after all we are not different to the disciples. After all, with so many personalities, different up-bringing’s and histories, it's not uncommon for conflicts to arise.  For that reason alone, the church needs to adopt a clearly defined and clearly stated common vision, mission, goal, and values and how these are being addressed. The clearer these statements reflect scriptural revelation and local relevance in the understanding of the participants the easier it is in the future to overcome personal preferences and values. How individuals in a disagreement perceive this issue determines to a great extent how personal the conflict will become.
On the contrary, when handled correctly conflict can lead to personal growth and create the change needed to improve interpersonal relations overall and by that the witness to the world by the congregation (cf. John 17).

 
Conflict, whether open or covert, inevitably begs change.  Whether the change is positive or negative depends on how the situation is handled on the personal emotional level. The ultimate root of conflict happens when we perceive something or someone as a threat to some area of our well-being. Given that hedonism as a school of thought is prevalent among us, change of any kind is being avoided. Something which feeds into our fear for conflict, because conflict begs change. Also, although to various degrees, any question, thread, change confronts us in our emotional stage of contentment, pleasure or simply ignorance all will trigger some form of emotional responses to the negative. When this happens your ability to view and approach the situation in an objective manner is hampered. This, in turn, makes it seem like there's a limited number of responses possible and once perspective is hampered by emotion, communication becomes even more difficult.  As with all things emotional, the necessary ingredients or absence of one for conflict can present itself long before a conflict turns open. The ability to identify the reason for the conflict and address conflict at an early stage is important as it reduces the likelihood of escalation. To do this, it helps to understand how people are apt to communicate or not communicate their thoughts, feeling and perhaps concerns.
Jacquelyn Jeanty states; “One theory holds that individuals typically fall into one of the four basic personality temperaments:
Choleric--these are bold, direct communicators who can be intimidating, but are open to change; phlegmatic--these are fact-driven types who dislike conflict, and change;  sanguine--these types welcome conflict for the expression and exchange of ideas. They see change as an adventure and melancholic--these types are all about the status quo. They don't like to rock the boat. They don't like change.”
Knowing yourself and having input through friends will help any situation and relationships we find ourselves in. I for one fall into the category of phlegmatic also I have come to embrace over time and through hard work the scriptural truth that change and conflict are necessary for transformation and act more like a sanguine.
Unless we come to understand that we as people first and foremost are in some conflict with God and His love for us, we will not change. Another helpful step is to depersonalize the conflict; “We are not fighting against flesh and blood but . . .” Too often we make our natural emotional response personal, we act from our nature rather than from God’s truth.
Five broad types of conflict are common, each having its own dynamics.
Structural: these are caused by external forces such as occur within an organization—workloads, availability of resources such as time, money or volunteers. Structural conflicts require structural solutions.
Data: these have to do with the information and its processes in place within the organization. 
Values: these are based on individual belief systems and are the hardest to resolve.
Relationship: these typically center on conflicting personality issues which lead to negative behaviors toward each other. 
Interests: these happen as result of perceived threats to one's goals, or needs and so emotions are being affected on both sides.
As stressful as conflict can become at times, the occurrence of open conflict in contrast to covert conflict opens up areas that would otherwise find little, to no motivation for growth and change, hence for peacemaking. But we need intentionally engage in the process of learning from the past and the resulting discomfort of conflict in light of the reality of the Cross and the engaged in the mission of reconciliation.
Whether expressed or not, we are constantly in some minute level of conflict, unless we live a perfect life. But we are so use to the presence of that minute level that we are no longer bothered. Because if we would be bothered we would feel discomfort, which would have the positive power to invoke changes. Conflict in the open is therefore not the result of a lack of love but the very presence of love, an awareness of how far we have come in our transformation into the image of Christ while at the same time acknowledging that we are all still in process. Again, acknowledging the fact that we all are in the process also calls for change and challenges our self-image, and underlining values. That also means that the absence of any conflict actually means the absence of genuine love. The concept of love in my understanding therefore is opposed to the school of thought of hedonism.